So beautifully written. I’m also Bipolar II and have ADHD and I replaced antidepressants with Adderall two years ago; it’s such a frustrating relationship to have, trying to hold on to what feels like a breakthrough in clarity. Your writing is beautiful and so much more than just your story with medication--thank you for sharing :)
Thanks for sharing - I’m on meds again as of the summer for the first time in 15 years. It’s completely changed my life around and I’m so grateful to have taken that step. I hope you find the combination of things that can bring out your truest self.
As a manic/depressive/adhd synth nerd with a kid, I feel this, hard. The fear of passing it on. God, it’s a horrible thought, but at the same time, what I can do is the best I can to name the monster, so when my daughter faces it, she knows who she’s up against.
The fact that you know what the monster is, and the rate at which medical knowledge is advancing, I am fairly certain your daughter will be okay! It's the generations that don't have a direct parent that is diagnosed and understands the condition (bipolar ii/adhd).
My mom has it. She doesn't know she has it. She is afraid of all medications. It's not debilitating, she lives a very happy life. But if only she knew all the resources and help that are available out there.
The issue for me was that neither of my parents knew I was adhd/bipolar ii. Despite the evidence that my oldest brother was one of the most ADHD people that I have ever met, they refused to medicate him under the guise that "he's not stupid" because he was genius level smart.
Nature might give us predisposition for bipolar/ADHD but I theorize that with just a bit of luck we will be able to manage.
I had a really similar experience with ADHD and bipolar disorder. I have no advice -- we get enough unsolicited advice from others, I bet, and this will sound like a platitude... but genuinely, I'm hoping things get easier for you.
Really wonderful piece, Alex The truth is everything we have set up for ourselves as humans isn't working for any of us (sitting in chairs, in cubicles, indoors during daylight hours, or those working outdoors directly in the sun for all those hours, being bombarded with stimuli, having not information at our fingertips - and too much, forced into socialization with strangers but having our socialization with our chosen loved ones time-restricted, in the US: pushing for profit, profit and never caring about the health of the person, the environment, the planet)....the harsh truth, if you pay real attention - and not sublimate your feelings with coffee, pot, Netflix, routine and habit- is it is quite logical to be depressed. And not having that depression perfectly fixed is understandable considering antidepressants came about in the 1950s and Adderall, 1996. They haven't figured our brains out yet.
Trudge on, Alex. I also really need to get a therapist one of these days.....
This made me cry. I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much. To know what it's like to be able to Get Shit Done and then not only have it taken away but also get a diagnosis of bipolar? Fucking hell mate.
I think I need to come off my ADs. I need them, but also, they are giving me fucked up dreams and I can't cope with that any more.
Thanks for sharing, Alex! Posts like this are so important and I imagine it wasn't easy for you to do it, so thanks. I hope things improve soon. Please be kind to yourself.
Hey Alex, very late on seeing this, but I just wanted to say thanks for writing this. I’m just a couple of years younger than you, going through many of the same things, and it is very cathartic to read about other people who are dealing/have gone through this stuff. So thanks 😌
So beautifully written. I’m also Bipolar II and have ADHD and I replaced antidepressants with Adderall two years ago; it’s such a frustrating relationship to have, trying to hold on to what feels like a breakthrough in clarity. Your writing is beautiful and so much more than just your story with medication--thank you for sharing :)
I am here to support you, bipolar ii/adhd gang unite.
I'm sorry you are going through this, Alex, but thank you for writing this. I'm glad you were able to finish it. <3
Thanks for sharing - I’m on meds again as of the summer for the first time in 15 years. It’s completely changed my life around and I’m so grateful to have taken that step. I hope you find the combination of things that can bring out your truest self.
As a manic/depressive/adhd synth nerd with a kid, I feel this, hard. The fear of passing it on. God, it’s a horrible thought, but at the same time, what I can do is the best I can to name the monster, so when my daughter faces it, she knows who she’s up against.
God Speed, Alex. I’m rooting for you.
The fact that you know what the monster is, and the rate at which medical knowledge is advancing, I am fairly certain your daughter will be okay! It's the generations that don't have a direct parent that is diagnosed and understands the condition (bipolar ii/adhd).
My mom has it. She doesn't know she has it. She is afraid of all medications. It's not debilitating, she lives a very happy life. But if only she knew all the resources and help that are available out there.
The issue for me was that neither of my parents knew I was adhd/bipolar ii. Despite the evidence that my oldest brother was one of the most ADHD people that I have ever met, they refused to medicate him under the guise that "he's not stupid" because he was genius level smart.
Nature might give us predisposition for bipolar/ADHD but I theorize that with just a bit of luck we will be able to manage.
I had a really similar experience with ADHD and bipolar disorder. I have no advice -- we get enough unsolicited advice from others, I bet, and this will sound like a platitude... but genuinely, I'm hoping things get easier for you.
Really wonderful piece, Alex The truth is everything we have set up for ourselves as humans isn't working for any of us (sitting in chairs, in cubicles, indoors during daylight hours, or those working outdoors directly in the sun for all those hours, being bombarded with stimuli, having not information at our fingertips - and too much, forced into socialization with strangers but having our socialization with our chosen loved ones time-restricted, in the US: pushing for profit, profit and never caring about the health of the person, the environment, the planet)....the harsh truth, if you pay real attention - and not sublimate your feelings with coffee, pot, Netflix, routine and habit- is it is quite logical to be depressed. And not having that depression perfectly fixed is understandable considering antidepressants came about in the 1950s and Adderall, 1996. They haven't figured our brains out yet.
Trudge on, Alex. I also really need to get a therapist one of these days.....
Thanks for sharing Alex. I'm rooting for you, too.
Thanks for sharing, best of luck
Alex- I hope you can get better, it sounds like you‘ve got a plan and people who are helping you. I’m rooting for you man.
This made me cry. I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much. To know what it's like to be able to Get Shit Done and then not only have it taken away but also get a diagnosis of bipolar? Fucking hell mate.
I think I need to come off my ADs. I need them, but also, they are giving me fucked up dreams and I can't cope with that any more.
I hope you're ok.
Wow! You're a damned good writer Alex. Hope you find the best path forward.
Thanks for sharing, Alex! Posts like this are so important and I imagine it wasn't easy for you to do it, so thanks. I hope things improve soon. Please be kind to yourself.
I hope you feel better soon. You aren’t alone, but that doesn’t make the suffering any less real. Lots of us out here rooting for you.
Hey Alex, very late on seeing this, but I just wanted to say thanks for writing this. I’m just a couple of years younger than you, going through many of the same things, and it is very cathartic to read about other people who are dealing/have gone through this stuff. So thanks 😌
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may love hold you in the palm of its hand.
This is such a precious post. I'm thankful you posted it and I got to read it because I learned so much.